Alaina, almost five months

I took Alaina to the doctor Tuesday morning when she was about a week shy of 5 months. She weighs 13 pounds, five ounces. She's a little smaller than Lizzie was, usually 30% while Liz was typically 50%.
As Alaina gets older we are noticing other differences between the girls. Lainey is not as attached to her pacifier as Lizzie was, but she is pickier about them. Laina will only use one brand (we had a dozen different ones left over from Liz) and sometimes she is still fussy about bottles whereas Liz would take any pacifier, any bottle, any formula from any person.

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Lizzie used to smile and laugh when she sneezed. Lainey looks confused or concerned when she sneezes.

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Alaina squeals a lot while at this age, Liz blew a lot of raspberries.

Also, Alaina falls asleep easier than Liz did (we don't have to rock her and constantly reinsert her paci), but she does not transfer as well as Liz and she doesn't really sleep on the go as much. So far Lainey only takes decent naps if she is home, but that's not too bad because she's a pretty mellow baby. I don't remember Lizzie being so calm and content just by herself.

I really like to see more and more of Alaina's personality emerge and learn what things are unique to her and/or her sister and not just general baby things. I wonder how much she'll be like Liz in appearance and personality. Will she mispronounce the same words saying chicken instead of kitchen or choo choo for tu tu? Will she gravitate more to animals like Liz or will it be dolls for Lainey? What things will emerge as being Barnes or Nielson? Will we always call farts, poo poo pops (Lizzie's term, not ours) much like in my family hugs were loves ("Mommy, Papa calls hugs Loves! That's funny!"), tuna casserole was Noodles Neptune, and soy sauce was bug juice (probably the reason I wouldn't try it as a child) and so on. It's all so fun and exciting.

Pictures

I don't think I've posted these yet. My sister-in-law, Codi, took some shots of Alaina in her blessing dress. I LOVE them.

Speaking of professional picturess, back in November we had no less than 3 family photo shoots and I have a double chin in nearly EVERY picture! So frustrating. I think it's pretty obvious what my New Year's resolution is. Anyway, here are the pictures.

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Family photo shoot #1: in VA with just our little family of four.

Family photo shoot #2: My side of the family at Dave's wedding (pictures pending).

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Family photo shoot #3: Drew's side of the family.

Lost and Found

If anyone has been unable to reach me, this is why:My phone had been missing for a few days and then Andrew found it on top of the mail boxes. I guess it fell out of my pocket in the parking lot and someone ran over it (possibly/probably me if I dropped it near our parking spot).

It still works.

Mostly.

I have to coax it open gently, some of the buttons are unresponsive, I can't do speaker phone, it randomly beeps when I'm on a call, and I've covered the cracked parts with tape (to protect myself from possible shards), but it works.

We'll replace it in the next few months. Andrew suggested that he get a new phone (since he was "responsible" with his) and I get his hand-me-down. Works for me.

On another positive note, I found my ipod today and my bean necklace yesterday. Now I just need to locate my pocket calendar . . .

I love moments like these. . . .

Improvement

Driving - For the first two months Alaina screamed nearly the entire time we were in the car. Now she squeals and coos. So cute. Though to be honest, I used to kind of like to hear her cry because it meant she was alive. Now it's unpleasant. And for my part, I don't poke her nearly as much (to make she she was alive).

Sleep - We're all sleeping more now. For the first couple months I had trouble sleeping because I felt compelled to constantly get out of bed to make sure Lainey's chest was moving. Now I barely do that. I usually just get out for crying.

Perspective - When I was pregnant I was constantly worried that I would miscarry or have another stillbirth. As soon as Alaina was born I worried about SIDS. I'm still a little worried, but some recent research has helped me to calm down a bit. On the First Candle website I found this:

"SIDS remains the leading cause of death for infants one month to one year of age, continuing to claim the lives of more than 2,000 babies each year."

"More than 26,000 babies are stillborn in the United States each year."

I had no idea that more babies are stillborn than die of SIDS. For some reason I thought it was the other way around and knowing these actual numbers gives me some peace. I guess I feel like we have already made it this far . . . Of course now that I've written on all this I'm going to go make sure Alaina is still breathing.

On This Day in History

I did not go downtown for the inauguration yesterday as I had originally intended. It was cold and I would have had to take both girls because Andrew was actually working at home--not "working" like I hoped.It was such an exciting, historic day--the kind of day that I will probably always remember what I was doing like 9/11 (on my way to a job interview) or when Princess Di died (leaving a U of U football game with the guy I dated right before Drew). Someday I will be telling my kids where I was and what I was doing when the first African American was sworn in as President.

Instead of going to the Mall I watched the event on television (loved the bright coats, loved our new super-poised Pres., loved the sea of people--Liz "Daddy, is that the whole world. It looks like the whole world."). Liz watched some of it too and I tried to impress upon her it's significance, telling her "Someday you will tell your children about this moment." Initially she was confused. She kept telling me "Barak Obama is dead. They shot him and he's dead, but before they did that he made it so everyone shares and they can go wherever they want and sit wherever they want on the bus." Apparently she got Obama and MLK confused.

Amidst it all I did laundry and dishes. I ran a bubble bath for Liz, but she said she didn't want bubbles. Flash to me with a mud mask and an ipod, luxuriously soaking in the tub. Then, more laundry. Straightening. Organizing. Picking up. Liz and Lainey lounging in a warm bath. While Alaina napped Liz and I walked to Panera for a late lunch (the pictures on this post are from our Panera outing). Then, more laundry and playing ponies. A last minute meal for the missionaries. Fed the family and then I was free.

For my night off I went to the Stake Family History Center where I embarrassed myself by asking the date. Apparently the Pres is ALWAYS sworn in on the 20th.

Dentist

Liz had a dental appointment last Friday. I dreaded it. In past appointments I had to sit with her in the chair and sometimes chase her down and drag her back into the room (hugely pregant with Jacob AND Alaina). One time she pulled off part of the dentist's air hose (and the dentist said brightly, "She's assertive. That's good."). This time went SO much better. Liz giggled when the hygentist brushed her teeth, worked the air hose herself, and at least tried to use fluride trays and get x-rays (before crying).

1 year ago (one moment before she completely

freaked out and I had to sit in the chair with her)

Now. Thank Goodness.

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Pediatric Dentists are AWESOME. Liz got to pick the flavor of the glooves, floss, toothpaste, and fluride. In the waiting room she played with a Leapster. There were other toys in the examine room. When I was a kid I went to a regular family dentist. He was nice, but he certainly didn't have any video games in his waiting room, just the same old books year after year. When my Mom was a kid. She and her brother went to the Dentist by bus, BY THEMSELVES. When Lizzie wimpered and cried during her exam, she got a break and some stickers and a pass on the x-rays till next time. My mother's dentist HIT HER ON THE CHEST when she was difficult for him.

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I asked when I should start bringing Lainey. Before age 1. Oops. I didn't take Liz till she was, like, 18 months old. Oh well. I think I'll wait till Laina has at least one tooth.

Heaven or Hell?

So, this past week Liz has expressed a lot of concern about where Drew and I will go after we die. She started out by talking about Hell--though she didn't know the proper term. It was "the place where there's lots of fire and the demon lives." She wanted to know what the people had there--specially if they had toys. No. No bodies so no capacity to hold toys. No toys. No fun things. Lizzie said, "Well, then I definitely don't want to go there."

I asked if Liz if she is worried that she will go "there." She said, "No, kids don't go there. Only grownups." Oh, yes. Of course. I asked if she was worried that mommy and daddy would go there. Yes. She is very concerned. Very, very concerned. And it doesn't seem to matter how many times I explain to her that we will be in heaven with her, she is still worried. So, now I'm wondering why she thinks we might go to Hell. I asked her, but she didn't have an answer.

Baby Gear

I love our bumbo. It's been nice to put Alaina in it on the table while we eat. We just ordered a tray for it in anticipation of solids in a few months. The only problem is that now little Lainey's thighs are so chunky that it's kind of hard to get her in and out. When I pick her up the bumbo comes with her!

Other new baby gear that I love (and wish I had with Liz):

Sleep Sack

Swaddle Me

Dishwasher basket

Diaper pack

Bouncer

Bundle Me

Nursing Cover

Light weight umbrella stroller

Yesterday my Ergo and kipiis came in the mail. I can't wait to use them.

Play Date

Today Lizzie's friend Jordan came over to play. When these two get together they do this really annoying, stylized baby talk. It totally drives me crazy. Of course they did it today.

One night I mentioned the baby talk and my annoyance to Andrew. He said Liz probably learned it from Jordan and I thought, yeah, probably. When I mentioned the baby talk to Wendi she said she thought Jordan learned it from Liz.

So funny. It just reminded me how often we, as parents, assume some annoying behavior or inappropriate language originates with another child. Surely not our own.

As far as the baby talk goes, I think what probably happened is the girls made it up together in some random play time.

On a different note: Today when I went to an assembly at Lizzie's school her teacher spoke to me about Lizzie wearing a light jacket to school despite the frigid temperature. She had actually gotten a warm coat from the school counselor in case they did recess outside, but Liz refused to put it on. I felt totally embarrassed.

I explained to the teacher that I actually got a warm coat for Lizzie two weeks ago, but she was refusing to wear it and I figured eventually she'd just get cold enough to give in. Even as I was saying it I realized how stupid it sounded. Hello?! She's in kindergarten! She does not get to make those sort of decisions. We've been tardy a lot lately too. I'm so going to be hauled in to talk to that counselor.

Total Bad Mommy Moment.

Rejuvenating

Andrew and I have been taking turns having a "night off" (actually Drew has two for volleyball). Tuesday is my night and it is so nice to walk out and leave behind unfolded laundry, dirty dishes, and childcare duties to just indulge myself.

Last week my friend, Wendi, and I visited with the Pomeroys and their new cute baby in the hospital. Then we went to The Olive Garden where I ate gobs of bread sticks (but not the ends) and salad and pasta. Yum. When I got home Andrew was super crabby because Alaina cried a lot and wouldn't take a bottle. I made amends by sharing my slice of chocolate mousse cheesecake with him.

Tonight I went to the Stake Family History library and tinkered around with the "New Family Search." Loved it. Afterwards I went to Borders where I sipped super sweet hot chocolate and read a new book until the store closed I absolutely had to leave.

I love my Tuesday nights off. I have great plans to get a pedicure, see a movie, go to the temple, window shop, leisurely try on clothes, go to book group, and have girls nights out with various friends.

I'm giddy with all the possibilities.

"I want to hold Laine Laine"

Lizzie loves holding Alaina.Unfortunately she can sometimes be a little too silly or rough for my taste like when she plays "timber" (pretends to drop the baby).
Sometimes Liz hugs or pinches cheeks too tightly.

Or she holds onto Alaina in inappropriate places.But, Lizzie's getting better every day and Alaina has been pretty chill with all the jostling. I'm glad. I love to see them like this.

Home a week

Well, I've been home a week now. The house is almost in order and all the unpleasant, sundry tasks that awaited (and surprised) me upon my return are slowly getting done: broken garbage disposal, leaky tub, unwanted couch, bills, returned Christmas cards (no help for them now), holiday decorations, laundry, and thank you cards that I could have sworn I mailed.

It has been nice to be back in my own space and visit with friends, but I miss the lazy holiday weeks, lounging with family, playing games and watching the girls play.

Some of my favorite moments from those carefree days:

A visit to Andrew's childhood friend (and my buddy from the Jerusalem Center), Justin Arbuckle. We had lost touch these last few years and it was really nice to reconnect. Lizzie especially liked meeting Justin's daughter, Hailey, and was very upset that we couldn't visit her again the next day.

Time with Scott's family. I have especially enjoyed getting to know Codi better these last few years. I also loved the card game she taught us. It was called golf and even Liz could play. Everyone loved it immediately. We played daily and have even played a few times since we came home.

Time with our children. Drew and I enjoyed our usual SC date: we wandered through furniture stores and picked out our future bedroom and living room sets, then went to a movie. This time we also picked up next year's Halloween costumes for the girls at Gymboree. It was probably the first time we shopped for kids clothes together (at least in my memory).

Time with my parents for myself and my children.

Scott and his snakes. He couldn't leave them unattended in Indiana so he brought all six in a Rubbermaid bin. I loved seeing little Iris happily carrying a boa around. It was also amusing to see Codi leap from the couch when Scott set a writhing pile of snakes near us.

Cousin time. I'm so glad Lizzie loves Iris. I really enjoyed all my time with my cousins over the years and I hope Liz is able to cultivate similar relationships. For the most part the girls got along well, but there were some squabbles like the time they argued over whether they wear "clothes" or "clothing."

Napping. We took loads of naps and slept in while Scott or my Mom attended to Liz. I really miss that now.

Hearing Scott refer to child safety gates as "puppy gates" because that's what he first used them for (even though he's had two kids since then).

Purging. Cleaning out the attic was so satisfying that after Scott and Codi left, I helped my mom go through her kitchen.

Alaina with leg warmers

I am such a dork

I have a plumber over to fix our leaky tub (I figure it will probably cost one month's salary, but at least he's nice).

He had to turn the water off and I wanted to do things that require water so I filled up the sink and a bucket. Then I went and found the guy and asked when he was going to turn off the water. He said, "I already did."

Yeah. Turns out that you can turn off the pipe leading to the tub without turning off all the pipes that lead to your home.

On a different note, I'm on my third shirt today (though I'm still technically wearing my pajamas). Lainey spit up her vitamins on the first one and pooed on the second one.

Readjusting . . . slowly

Ugh. It is so hard to get back in the swing of things after a vacation.

On Sunday we intended to leave South Carolina at noon. We left at 4 p.m. We did NOT want to come home to real life.

We rolled into town around 11:30 p.m. Not too bad. Andrew said he would NOT unload the van at midnight, but we ended up bringing in five loads together (or a.k.a. half the load we were hauling).

Unfortunately I forgot until mid-way through the drive back that Lainey had a 7 a.m. doctor's appointment Monday morning. Ugh. Miraculously, we made it. She is 10% for height, 30% for head circumference and weight (12 pounds, some ounces). As usual Lizzie completely freaked out about Alaina's shots and refused to be in the room which meant Andrew wasn't there either. No fair.

I spent yesterday hauling stuff in from the van (and finally finished this afternoon), napping with Laina, taking down Christmas decorations, and visiting with Wendi. I'm pretty much doing the same today (except for the nap).

There is A LOT to do. We brought SO much home from my parent's place and Drew is totally pissed about it. According to him we already have too much "crap" in our home and he doesn't like that every time we go to my parent's home we come home with our van completely stuffed with more "crap."

I should note, however, that the last load of "crap" Andrew brought home was a hand-me-down couch that is loads better than our old one, and the last load of "crap" that I brought was baby stuff that we are now happily using: clothing, carseat, swing, and so on. Unfortunately I haven't managed to get the exersaucer in any of the recent loads. I may regret this in the coming months.

2007 vs. 2008 New Years

I know this is belated, but I've been thinking about it a lot.

This last New Year's Eve was SO much better than the one before.

2007 - We went to Andrew's sister Carrie's home. I had suggested the gathering, but when it came down to it, it was hard to go in to Carrie's home. I sat in the car in the driveway and cried. In front of me was everything I wanted, but seemed so out of reach: big beautiful house filled with children. Eventually I pulled it together, went in, and enjoyed the company of my family. It was lovely.

2008 - Even with the usual family drama, it was wonderful and I'm sure it was because of Alaina. We are still living in a crappy condo and I may still not ever have the children I hoped for, but at least I have children. I love it. Last Wednesday night we spent the evening playing cards and other games with my parents, and Scott and Codi. It was so fun. I can't wait to do it again next year.
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It may seem like 2008 went better for us than 2007, but I wouldn't say that. I think they evened out to be equally good.

2007 was poised to be one of our best years to date. In the spring I graduated with my MSW, Drew won a big award at work, Lizzie was as adorable as ever, and we were expecting our second child. We were on top of the world and then the bottom fell out. Our friends and family rushed in to support us and we were overcome.

2008 started out tough because we were still deeply grieving, but 12 months later, while still sad, we were coping MUCH better. Other lows that became highs: after a somewhat stressful pregnancy we welcomed another baby into our family, and after receiving the devastating news (while I was in labor) that my father had cancer, he was successfully treated. Also, new niece, new nephews (2), new sister-in-law, fun family vacations, and indulgent individual get-aways. Very nice indeed.