I know this is belated, but I've been thinking about it a lot.
This last New Year's Eve was SO much better than the one before.
2007 - We went to Andrew's sister Carrie's home. I had suggested the gathering, but when it came down to it, it was hard to go in to Carrie's home. I sat in the car in the driveway and cried. In front of me was everything I wanted, but seemed so out of reach: big beautiful house filled with children. Eventually I pulled it together, went in, and enjoyed the company of my family. It was lovely.
2008 - Even with the usual family drama, it was wonderful and I'm sure it was because of Alaina. We are still living in a crappy condo and I may still not ever have the children I hoped for, but at least I have children. I love it. Last Wednesday night we spent the evening playing cards and other games with my parents, and Scott and Codi. It was so fun. I can't wait to do it again next year.
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It may seem like 2008 went better for us than 2007, but I wouldn't say that. I think they evened out to be equally good.
2007 was poised to be one of our best years to date. In the spring I graduated with my MSW, Drew won a big award at work, Lizzie was as adorable as ever, and we were expecting our second child. We were on top of the world and then the bottom fell out. Our friends and family rushed in to support us and we were overcome.
2008 started out tough because we were still deeply grieving, but 12 months later, while still sad, we were coping MUCH better. Other lows that became highs: after a somewhat stressful pregnancy we welcomed another baby into our family, and after receiving the devastating news (while I was in labor) that my father had cancer, he was successfully treated. Also, new niece, new nephews (2), new sister-in-law, fun family vacations, and indulgent individual get-aways. Very nice indeed.
2 comments:
Jill,
I'm so sorry that last new year's was difficult. I had a hard time last Christmas(2007)as well because of my high expectations not being met. I was missing my parents and feeling sorry for myself because my kids weren't being doted on by them.
Even with the nice house and the kids, I struggle keeping it and them taken care of. I get overwhelmed alot and have to let things go. I try to avoid thiking about how my parents would be blessing my life if they were still around. It's too painful. I can imagine your grief is similar when you think of Jacob. I guess the grass is always greener.
You are an amazing person and I have always admired your strength and talents.
Jill, I didn't know that your dad had cancer. What kind of cancer? You know that my mom had it last year, right? And my dad was diagnosed with cancer in October...so, I definitely know how THAT feels. Cancer has made me appreciate my family so much more than I already did, and be sympathetic to people I don't even know. It's made me appreciate life, and everything that comes with it...good and bad, because no matter what happens in your life...things just keep happening. ...and somehow through our strength and faith, we get through them.
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